Losers Are Weepers
by biggrstaffbunch
Summary: [series of one-shots] It was almost impossible to date outside of the team. They knew that- once you were in, chances were, you were connected for life. A look inside the romantic lives of our favorite Rangers. ll MMPRPRZPRT lll
1. Jason and Kim

**Losers Are Weepers** by biggerstaffbunch

Disclaimer: I don't own jack

**After Forever Red, ****Jason**** contemplates what has been taken from him.**

*Jason/Kim*

**_Here we are_**

****

**_Just face to face(ing)_**

****

**_Each other another day…_**

"Hey, babe."    

The door slams, and the echo almost drowns out his greeting. In an instant, I'm jolted awake. I guess that I fell asleep for awhile there, but it doesn't matter anymore. He's here now.

"Jason," I say brightly, trying to inject a little cheerfulness in my voice. "Where were you, hon?" I leap up from the couch, my eyes focused only on him, my arms ready for the hug, the kiss on the cheek. It doesn't come. Sighing, I lower my arms and fold them. The brooding has already started, and the tension might kill me.

"Jason...?"                                                                                                                                                         

**_Who wins?_**

****

**_Well who cares?_**

He turns and for a second I see a flash of the old fire, a crackle of red lighting flash through his eyes. Then it's gone and his gaze is cloudy. 

 "I was…off reminiscing. Kimmie, don't worry." He coughs and shrugs off his jacket, shaking his dark hair free of the rain that is pouring down outside. The red tank top he wears almost every day is soaked and it hugs his muscles. I eye him critically, from his blood-shot eyes and frumpy jeans and work boots. He looks sorrier than I've ever seen him.__

"Over alcohol?" I ask the question and again he doesn't answer-but it shouldn't matter. Because I know the truth. Jason Lee Scott isn't the type to get drunk. He's better than that, and something is eating him inside.

"Jason," I say, almost desperately, following him as he walks listlessly to the bathroom to towel his hair off. "I want to know where you were. I _deserve _to know where you were." I'm fighting the urge to stamp my foot, and I almost want to laugh; as long as I live, Jason will be the only person who makes me both grow and revert back to grade-school days. "Baby? I was really worried about you." 

He turns and looks at me like he's debating my sincerity. He cocks his head and shrugs.

**_It always ends up the same_**

****

**_Seems I knew it would…_**

He's silent still.

I'm not stupid. I see the slump of his shoulders, the limp in his stride. There's a bruise darkening his left shoulder, and it shows what he's done. Not that I need to ask, anyhow, because I called Kat soon after Jason left, and she told me. He's been fighting, alongside the best and brightest of ten generations-nine other red Power Rangers, adding Jason- fighting against an evil menace. But there's always an evil menace, has been for the last decade.

Ten years it's been since at 15, he took command of the greatest fighting force on Earth.

Ten years since we first touched, since we first fought along side each other. Ten years since he has felt that important, that alive.

And suddenly I know what he's feeling.

"It hurts," he whispers hoarsely, catching me off-guard. His face is buried in the plush towel that our initials are inscribed on, the red and pink atrocity rubbing his cheeks dry of grime. "God, it hurts so damn much, and I can't even show it."

**_All I ever really wanted was to be the same_**

****

**_Equal treatment never ever comes and here we go again_**

I bite my lip and touch his shoulder gently, feeling the warm, damp skin shake. It's the most he has said about what he's felt in a long time.

"Jason," I say quietly, "You can, too. You've always been the strong one. Can't you let your guard down at least now-now, after ten years?"

He's silent again, and I hear his heart beat.

"I was fighting." He says this starkly; his voice holds no emotion. "Tommy called me, and we all fought the Machine Empire's leftovers-us, every red ranger since this whole thing started. I was there, with them all, and I was the red ranger once more. 

The _first, best _red ranger."

I squeeze my eyes shut. I can hear it coming, feel it in my bones. I've seen it in his eyes often enough. "Except…?" 

"Except for him. Tommy." His voice breaks. "The one thing I had in my name, the one thing I held, it was taken away. And I only just realized it." He's crying now, his face tear-stained and his mouth slack. I'm pretty sure that maybe he has been crying all day, maybe that's why he looks so half-assed. "He took it away. He did, my best friend, my brother. My bro."  The term of endearment, the one that was once so loving, is now dirty. It feels sullied.

I sigh, and let my arms slip around Jason's waist, anchoring him close, bracing myself against the sink as he hugs me and cries in my hair. "Tommy."

"He took everything," Jason sobs, "Everything. My position, my color, my-Godamn it-even my haircut! Everything! And I loved him anyways. He was my family, sometimes I felt like he was my blood. Do you know how that is?"

**_All I ever really wanted was to be like you_**

****

**_So perfect_**

****

**_So worthless_**

He is shaking, and I reach around him for a red flannel shirt that's hanging on the hamper. Cooing softly, I drape it across his shoulders, tipping his chin so his forehead meets mine and I can see into his_ soul. _

"Yes." I say simply. "I do. I really do." I hold his warm, large hands in mine for a minute, letting him cry. Then I wipe his tears. 

"Jason, do you love Tommy still?" It's a difficult question and I understand his pause.

"Yes," he says after a moment. "He wouldn't talk to me after you and I got together, and that hurts, but- but I do. I do honor him, and I'm loyal to him, and godamn it again, I wanna _be_ the bastard. Still."

**_Two men started walking_**

****

**_Started talking about better days_**

I smile at this admission and Jason gives me a half-hearted grin back. God, that smile used to make my knees shake, and if things would only get better, I could focus on how good it could make me feel now.

"Then let him go." I grip his arms, my eyes boring into his deep chocolate ones. "Let all that has happened go. We aren't Rangers anymore, and it hurts-God knows I wish every day I had my morpher and a coupla Putties ready to go at it-but we have to move on. We have to grow. I mean, we've done well for ourselves, Jase! A house in Cali, a nice job involved with the peace-keeping efforts, a life together. That's what's most important. We still have each other and the memories, Ranger or no Ranger."

**_One says to the other_**

****

**_He'd do it all again… _**

****

**_if_****_ I knew I could_**

Jason nods after a moment, his grin back. His eyes crinkle as he sniffs and drops a kiss on my forehead. "When'd you get so wise, Power-girl?"

I fold my arms and pretend to think. "Oh, about the time this big hulk of Red ranger decided to drop by and mend my broken heart." I arch an eyebrow. "We got trapped in a sub, and he saved me. It was highly unusual, even for a **_ranger_**." 

**_If I was them_**

****

**_Then I wanna be_**

****

**_What I see_**

Jason shakes his head and I turn to go and make dinner. He catches my arm after a second and pulls me back. 

"You still my girl, Harte?"

**_If I could pack my life in a moment_**

****

**_I wanna know, do you want me to go?_**

"Only an old fossil like you'd ask that question." I burst into gales of laughter. "Get it? Fossil? T-Rex?" It's lame, but it's the type of thing we laugh at, the type of thing that makes us smile.

Jason laughs a rich tenor sound. "Yeah, yeah. I get it, girl."

I cock my head and tap him on the nose. "Oh, and Jase?"

"Yeah?"

"There's one thing that Tommy took from you that you managed to get back."

Jason smiles wryly and passes a hand through his hair. "My 'do?"

I shake my head and kiss him soundly. "No.

"Me."

**_Gonna give my life never-ending_**

****

**_Never stop myself from pretending_**

****

**_That you always knew that I never could_**


	2. Billy and Trini

Losers Are Weepers by biggerstaffbunch

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

**Billy**** and Trini have a long-awaited conversation.**

*Billy/Trini*

**_I had almost forgotten the way it felt_**

****

**_When he held out his hand for mine_**

****

**_My heart all a-flutter_**

I got the letter yesterday, caught off-guard, looking at the postmark "California" with a feeling akin to my heart being fried by electric cables. Gripping the letter between my knuckles, I walked up to my apartment and sat down, staring at the sender's address: 114 Greenleaf Lane, Angel Grove, California, 90234. William Cranston.

It's been almost 7 years since I've heard from Billy. Though we kept in touch for a good year through letters and phone calls, the last time I _saw_ him, he was gawky and giddy about his new wire-frame glasses. That was the day before I boarded a plane to Switzerland and left Angel Grove forever. 

**_Forget about that guy_**

****

**_Forget about the way you fell into his eyes_**

And I do mean forever. Because even now, with a letter that no doubt beckoned me "home", I refused to go. Billy probably thought I was extremely anxious to just hop a plane and fly right back to the one part of my life I'm not ready to revisit. And that, from a man who'd just spent a life-time on a far-off planet. I was not going to listen to Billy Cranston. No matter how much I wanted to.

I called him. What else could I do? Write him a letter? Yes, I'd give an eye for an eye, repay his letter with an empty, banal script of rehearsed words designed to hide emotions and make us both feel less tense. I couldn't do that. I just couldn't, not given the past that we shared. So I picked up the phone with trembling fingers and I dialed the number that I had memorized since I was ten, and I waited.

**_Forget about his charms_**

****

**_Forget about the way he held you in his arms_**

He picked up the phone and it was memories flooding back to me, relentless, one after another.

"Hello?" His voice, deep and warm, sleepy. Flashes of dirty blond hair, kind blue eyes, tentative smile.

"Billy?" 

**_Forget about romance _**

****

**_Forget about the way your heart begins to dance_**

"Trini?" The sun against a boy in over-alls, carrying a book and a calculator. Thousands of putties, and that same boy doing his damndest to protect me.

The memories threatened to engulf me, to close over my head. I felt my heart beat faster involuntarily.

"Yes. Billy, God, how are you?" 

Billy laughed, and I felt a thrill run through me. _Don't, Trini_, I warned myself. _Don't forget what happened the last time you let yourself go like this._ As if I could.

**_Walking on air's obnoxious_**

****

**_The thrill_**

****

**_The chill_**

****

**_Will make you nauseous_**

I was seventeen, fresh from a romantic week in Angel Grove with Billy. I couldn't deal, and when I got back to Geneva, I engaged in a disastrous relationship with an Asian delegate. I had just realized exactly what Billy meant to me when I received the call that he was headed to Aquitar to marry some girl. I poured my heart out to him, desperate for some feelings to be returned, but Billy dashed my hopes in the space of a day. He left that day, calling my home and leaving the obligatory pity-message.

"_Trini, I'm leaving today and I think I may be gone forever. You were always by my side and I am grateful for that. In all honesty, we were only friends, though. I'm sorry, but I don't believe you really feel that way about me, and if you do, they are surely false feelings. Despite all that has happened, you have opened me up to many things, and we have shared much. It just wasn't love. Please forgive me, but don't forget me. I hope one day you can think of me fondly. Yours, __Billy_."____

After that, I decided love was over-rated and perhaps he was right. I probably didn't love him. In the back of my mind, I knew he was wrong though. And it was just being reiterated now, in my heart, as I heard his voice once more.

"I'm fine. Really, it's great to be back home." Home. Where was home? Angel Grove? Here with me? "But how are you? I saw a picture of you recently in Geneva, and you look radiant. How have you been? Successful, of course, you couldn't be anything else."

**_Then you feel the blush_**

****

**_When he's spouting out some sentimental mush_**

****

No. I would not be drawn back in.

"I've been fine, Billy. Past seven years, I've been fine. Especially after that last phone call. You?" I made my voice curt and angry. He had some explaining to do after all. 

I left Billy behind when I was fifteen, going on sixteen. Kimmie told me he spent three days denouncing "peace in general" because of my departure, so I know he missed me. And for a long time, we kept our bond strong: letters, phone calls, short visits every six months. But when Billy turned seventeen and lost his powers, he also lost touch. I tried emailing him, writing him, and I got nothing. Eventually I figured he just couldn't bother. And I knew it was true after that phone message. Somehow though, I couldn't reconcile that Billy with the Billy I knew as a child.

"Oh." His voice was soft. "Trin, about that. I'm-I'm really sorry about how we lost touch over the years. I never intended-well, what I mean is-after Aquitar…it was hard. I-I always kept you in my thoughts."

I felt tears sting my eyes. He could try and be a little more convincing.    

"Billy, do you even want to be talking to me? Was that letter some kind of warning not to fall for you again?" I was blurting things out without thinking, without stopping. "Did I mean anything to you, Billy? And what? Why'd you write me a letter of all people when you came back?"

**_Love really is revolting!_**

****

**_It's even worse than when you're moulting_**

****

**_Enough of this fluff!_**

****

**_Just forget about love_**

There was silence. I wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Obviously he was a bit taken aback; I would've been too.

"Trini, you know you meant something to me! You were my first friend, for God's sakes! You were the only one who understood me, the only one I truly had. After the Ranger thing, you were there for me! Of course you meant something to me. I wrote you a letter because of that, because I wanted to see you first! I thought of you often, didn't you know?"

I shut my eyes, willing myself to believe him.

"All I know is that I loved you." The answer was short and simple. "And you didn't love me back."

Had I really just said that?!

"Trin…"

Yes. I had. Way to be diplomatic, Kwon.

"I…I didn't know."

The hell you didn't! 

"The hell you didn't, Billy! You and I were _made for each other! Ever since we were ten, I could've sworn we'd end up together. And the only reason I left was because I was gonna come back after three years! You were supposed to wait! But you didn't…you went off and got married, for God's sakes! You forgot pretty well, didn't you? But I couldn't, all I could remember was that you __used to want me, and we used to have something."_

 "Trini-"

**_I can't forget about my heart_**

****

**_And how it felt_**

****

**_To fall for you right from the start_**

"No, dammit! I finally realized that I couldn't wait any more, after all that time of us floundering! I decided to tell you exactly how I felt. I put myself on the _line, Billy Cranston! And I ignored that you hadn't written or called me, didn't seem to want me, and I let myself hope you might love me too! But you didn't! You abandoned me. I cried for a year...a __year, Billy."_

I was wheezing, the sobs actually tearing through my throat. He let me cry for a moment before trying again.

"Then what?"

"Then I realized that all of what happened between us was nothing. That maybe I was just the girl you chose as your, your-standby!" I sobbed. "Did you even think of how hard it was when I came home and we-we shared all those things and did stuff…and then I left and expected you to call, but you _didn't?_ Do you know how it made me feel?"

"Trini!" I tried to stop crying. "Trin, please, God, listen to me, okay?"

Sniffle. "Okay."

"Trini, I… was scared you didn't feel the same way I felt for so long. And when you told me you did, I was even more scared. We played these games, Trini. You kissed me, I ignored you. I held your hand, we didn't talk. We had a romantic week, and I thought things would actually turn around. But they didn't! Trini, that hurt me too! You got with Yao a week after that happened!"

"You hadn't called." Pathetic I know, but it was true. Billy and I had both had our share of immature moments.

"It didn't mean I didn't feel for you. I was so confused, Trini. I left for Aquitar because I couldn't deal with staying here and things staying the same way. So I got married to some girl who had enough honor to realize my heart was already taken. I already belonged to someone. To you. I love you, too, Trini Kwon, and I came back for you. Take the first damn flight _home."_

**_I'm still falling_**

****

**_Whatever we may do_**

I couldn't breathe.

"Billy?" I was sobbing hard, trying not to cry again. "You…you're sure?"

"I've never been surer of anything in my whole life."

Then, "Okay." That was all I could say and then he sucked in his breath. 

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll be waiting for you." We were both sitting there with dumb smiles on our faces I'm sure, but I couldn't believe it had been that easy.

"Billy? Why didn't you…why didn't you come back earlier? Why didn't you tell me? It would've saved a lot of heartache."

**_To wish, to want, to wander_**

****

**_To find the sun_**

****

**_Through rain and thunder_**

"You know what it was like when you gave up your powers, Trin? That's how it felt to let you go. Like I was giving up something really precious and amazing. But I knew it was close by, and it would always be in me. And so I waited till it was destined to come about. I knew we belonged together and that it'd happen in due time…"

"Oh, Billy."

"Trin?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you a lot."

And so I said goodnight to him, and hung up the phone, ready to get a plane ticket and pack my bags. I picked up that letter and smiled. I wondered what it said.

_Dear __Trini__, it read in Billy's neat scrawl,_

_I love you with all my heart and soul. Come home._

_Love__, __Billy___

**_We can't forget about love!_**


	3. Tommy and Kat

Losers Are Weepers by biggerstaffbunch

Disclaimer: No ownership of these characters…

**A/N: Okay, so I know I'm gonna get reamed into over my characterization of ****Tommy****, but truthfully? That's how I wanna write him. I've always been dubious that anyone can be that cluelessly, naively good…so I definitely wanted to inspect a different side of ****Tommy**. Please don't flame me because he's OOC. I'm fully aware of that, thanks. And formatting? I think I've got it under control…criticism is always welcome, so thanks for all the suggestions I've gotten so far! And to cobalt-blue: thanks, your reviews and your work make my day!****

*Tommy/Kat (kind of)*

**_How can you see into my eyes like open doors_**

****

**_leading_****_ you down into my core…_**

So they look at me, and they whisper behind cupped hands that I'm a legend. So they follow me to the ends of the earth, taking all I say as law. So they believe what I believe in (and in me) and they hold my image up on a pedestal. Does that mean I'm perfect? Only in other peoples' eyes am I God, and so yes, I'm perfect.

I got screwed over in the lottery of life.

It's gotta be the worst existence ever to have everything and feel as if you don't deserve anything. To sit around, dreaming about girls and cars, all the while knowing you're not as great as people say you are. It's hell, man. Pure hell. 'Cause I'm not perfect, and I've never been perfect, and now, all alone with my demons, I can't ask for help. What would they all think? Tommy, the perfect one, the one with all the power, bowing to the monsters of alcohol and loneliness? Yeah, right.

**_Where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold   
  
_**

**_Until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside  
  
_**

**_Wake me up inside_**

And so they ignore their faithful leader falling.

It's awful, knowing that I'm spiraling down into this deep pit of stale beer and gasoline-covered chicks with jaded looks in their eyes. I never meant for it to be this way, for my life to come to this, with a wife at home and a different affair every day at the racetrack. I never meant to go straight to Ernie's Bar and Grill after practice with a girl on each arm, a beer in front of me, and my wife calling in tears every second. I never wanted this; I never thought it'd be this way.

**_Call my name and save me from the dark_**

****

**_Bid my blood to run  
  
_**

But it is, and I hate myself for it. In some ways I wish I were back in high school, noble and chivalrous to the very end. Sure, I got dicked over into solving everyone's problems for them, and I was expected to be an angel, but still-it was good. Pure, y'know? And now I'm tainted, with the blood on my hands as red as the spandex I used to loathe with every inch of my being. I can't look them in the eyes any longer, can't sit there in superior silence and know I'm better than them all. Because I'm not. I've killed monsters, and seen my friends bleed and bruise, and I'm turning into the creatures we used to protect our loved ones from. Slowly, surely, I am killing my own wife with my indifference.__

**_Before I come undone  
  
_**

**_Save me from the nothing I've become_**

The thing is, I never intended things to be this way. I always thought I was a good enough guy, even with my excessive love of alcohol and speed. I always fell back on my impeccable reputation as a Ranger. But when you're dealing with women, things are different. When you're dealing with women, you're dealing with matters of the heart, and Tommy Oliver just doesn't delve that deep. You know why? Because Tommy Oliver is scared of what he might find. What is he, what am I, without the power? Everything that matters has come about as a result of what the power did to me. It made me untouchable, it made me leader. And once I gave it up, I tried very hard to prove to everyone that Tommy Oliver was a regular guy, a guy who liked to drink and have fun. 

Only problem was, I had a separate life, identity already. Like it or not, I had already defined Tommy, and I couldn't very well go against that grain and expect the universe not to combust! Kimberly Harte was my first love, representing my first year as a Power Ranger. When she came back to Angel Grove all those years later, my reputation cemented, I had already started going out with Kat. Kim sat, a knowing look in her eyes, at the Oliver/Hillard wedding a few months ago. She knew how desperate I was to discard that last vestige of Ranger-hood, that first love. She knew Kat was an escape from the power. But lately, I've realized that maybe Kat is more. Maybe I've been wrong all along…

**_Now that I know what I am without you  
  
_**

**_You can't just leave me  
  
_**

Poor Kat. When she fell in love with me, she didn't think that reliable, honest Tommy would turn into a womanizing, alcoholic speed-demon. But I had guessed that was the real me, underneath all that do-gooder Ranger stuff. Kim knew. She dumped me because she caught a glimpse of the conflicted me, and because she was all sweetness and fluff-she couldn't handle it. I love her to death, even now, but she got with my best friend and I can't even handle that. It must kill Kat to see me pine after the girl she's always viewed as better than her. It must kill Kat, and I still mouth Kim's name sometimes when we make love. That's just me, and I don't understand it. I love Kat, I know that I do, but I can't stop hurting her. I'm afraid that if I don't keep her at a distance, I'll try and be a better man. And if I try and be a better man, what will have changed from my teenage years? I'd still be perfect Tommy.

**_Breathe into me and make me real  
  
_**

**_Bring me to life_**

****

I don't know why I've become what I have. Even when I was walking with my back straight and chin up all those years ago, I was thinking, "Why the hell is this necessary? Why do I keep pretending, and why am I not happy?" I always rebuked the power inside, and that's why I'm keeping love at bay, too.

**_Wake me up inside  
  
_**

**_Wake me up inside  
  
_**

**_Call my name and save me from the dark  
  
_**

**_Bid my blood to run_**

Kat doesn't call me on it, y'know. She doesn't sit there and say, "Why'd I get stuck with a jerk of a husband like you? You weren't this depressing a year ago!" She doesn't beg me to get out of it, she is by my side. She loves me unconditionally. And I don't deserve it. I wish I were a better man, sometimes, for her. But I'm not. And that's that.

Still, sometimes when she looks at me, with stars in her eyes and a smile on her lips, gently crying and hoping that I'll change, I wish that I _could_ change. I sometimes just sit and watch her, knowing she loves me and secure in that knowledge, and marvel at this aspect of my life. She's the one part of me that has managed to stay pure, untainted. She's all those years I wasn't quite the top anymore, all those years I was straddling perfect, but not quite getting there. When I see her, I don't see someone who worships me, I see someone who has seen my human side. I catch a glimpse of someone who knows I'm just a man, not a God, and who loves me anyways. I wish I could give her something back. The words and actions elude me, though, and I do not know how to tell her how I feel. So instead, I hurt her by shutting her out, punishing her love for me by ignoring her. I hate what I have become.

**_Before I come undone  
  
_**

**_Save me from the nothing I've become  
  
_**

**_Bring me to life  
  
_**

**_Frozen inside without your touch without your love_**

****

**_Darling only you are the life among the dead_**

When I gave up being a ranger, I thought that was the end of the fake me. I thought I would always be free, that I'd have no more worries. But I'm not free, I'm just not. I'm shackled to my demons, struggling to be a man I can be proud of. And even as I sit, crying into the untouched beer a half-dressed blonde has shoved in my direction, Katherine Hillard's name on my lips and her smile in my eyes, I realize that I am still fake. I am still as counterfeit as a wax-man, smiling and trying in vain to run away from all that I was and want to be. I sometimes think that maybe I got it wrong; maybe the power isn't what made me and instead I shaped the power. Maybe I was stupid in thinking that the power was hurting me, holding me back. Scary, isn't it? Thinking that the power was better than the real me could ever be.

**_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
  
_**

**_Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
  
_**

**_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
  
_**

**_Got to open my eyes to everything_****__**

I reach out a trembling hand and take a sip of the amber, bitter liquid frothing in the mug. Maybe, just maybe, love will be a good enough substitute for power coins and zeo crystals one day. Maybe I will one day feel secure enough to stop obsessing over what I was with the power, and focus on who I could be without it. 

So maybe I go through turmoil over the things I do. So I'm not all-knowing or all-seeing, I'm only human. So my pedestal has a few cracks in it. Does that mean I'm less-than-perfect? In their eyes, yes.

And I can live with that.

**_Without a thought without a voice without a soul  
  
_**

**_Don't let me die here  
  
_**

**_There must be something more  
  
_**

**_Bring me to life_**


	4. Zack and Angela

**Losers Are Weepers** by biggerstaffbunch

Disclaimer: Don't own any characters…

**Zack ponders life in ****Geneva**** and why he keeps dancing…**

*Zack/Angela*

****

****

**_The moonlight...   
  
_**

**_Shines down interstellar beams_**_   
   
 Aurore's is noisy and full to the brim with a lot of beautiful people, but none of it interests me, if you want the Lord-honest truth. Girls crowd me, tons of good-lookin' young ones, but I kind of just sit there, nursin' my Cardinal Original Draft.****___

"Hi," I mutter quietly, "My name's Zack and I'm single."

I half imagine the girls on my left will wave and say, "Hi, Zack!" After all_, Ladies Night at Aurore's_ is an event a lot like a veritable single's support group. Tons of beautiful, unattached ladies here, and normally I'd be lookin' at all of 'em, 'cept I'm not here tonight to meet a woman.

I'm here to forget one._  
  
_

**_And the groove tonight _**

****

**_Is something more than you've ever seen_**

Aurore's is a nice little bar in a little crook of Carouge, my favorite of all the places in Geneva. Sorry to say, but when Jason and Trini and I first started trolling 'round the City of Peace, most of the town's nightlife was of the gay persuasion. We had trouble finding good nightclub, though in the end we found a trendy one in town, L'Usine. Haven't been back there since Jason left, though. Trini's never in the mood to dance, to groove, and there's no use goin' to a club if you're not gonna move, right? I guess I could always have found a lady to dance with, but I never would've done that to Angela.

Oh, Angela.

I grit my teeth and take a sip of the Cardinal, enjoying the cool, lime-fresh taste as it slips down my throat. Let it never be said that alcohol does nothin' but add to your problems. It helps numb the pain for one. Besides, Trini will be here soon to pick me up so we can go to the airport. Might as well get another Draft in, 'cause I'm goin' home.

Home. I snort to myself, almost surprised at the bitterness that's in that one word. 

Angel Grove hasn't been my home in about eight years, not since I was a sophomore in high school, scared outta my mind and about to enter a Peace program in Geneva, Switzerland. I'm home right now, in a little village on the east end of Geneva, looking out the window of a smoky bar and seeing the cold white mountains surround me. I'm more at home sipping a cold Cardinal Draft instead of a Miller's Light, more at home watching a nice play in French on my nights off instead of dancing at some club in Los Angeles. I'm more at home here, than there, but there is where Angela is, and therein lies the rub.

Haven't seen the girl in forever, but I think about her every chance I get. It's not funny, that's how true it is. Every minute I've had to myself for the past three weeks, I have spent thinking only of the sweet, brown-eyed babe I left behind when I was sixteen. She was my first love, my first kiss, my first…everything. And she's gettin' married in two days. 

I take a sip of the Cardinal and grimace as it takes on a metallic taste.

Life sure has changed.

****

**_Carry on, keep romancing,   
  
_**

**_Carry on, carry on dancing   
  
_**

**_In the moonlight_**_   
  
_

I'm enchanted with Switzerland, y'know? I was so scared 'bout comin' in the beginning, it being a foreign country and all. But as soon as I stepped off the plain and took a look at the slopes, at the water, at the breath-takin' beauty of it all-I was hooked. Not to mention that the food is somethin' to fall for too! But the only thing I never really got about Switzerland? The women. I was too hooked on Angela. Still am. She was the only reason I ever went back home. I boarded that plane only because I had a sweet, lovin' girl back home waiting for me. Not anymore.

The beer is at my lips again, and this time it's even more bitter. I splutter and the bartender-Malen, or something- gives me a look that says, _"Stupid American can't even hold his beer, why does he come to bother me then?"_

Well, Malen. Because the only place I can think of Angela and not cry is with a bottle of something cold and numbing in my hand. Namely, Switzerland's finest- the Cardinal. When Jason and I first started coming to Aurore's, when we were just leaving sixteen and all of underage, I'd challenge him to a drinking contest. The boy ain't stupid- he refused. But I always liked my liquor, always liked the buzz it gave me. I knew enough not to drive, though, and that was enough for Trini. I usually arranged a ride home upon which I would promptly call Angela long-distance and profess my love to her. The girl thought I was crazy. 

Those were the good old days.

**_You're never safe 'till you see the dawn   
  
_**

**_And if the clock strikes past _****_midnight_****_   
  
_**

**_The hope is gone   
  
_**

**_To move under..._****_   
  
_**

And now I'm sitting here, preparing to say goodbye to everything I've known for the past eight years, just so my child-hood girl won't marry the next big thang that comes along. I never meant for love to become this big rush-against-time thing for me, but I guess that's where my fun-lovin' attitude comes in. The words echo in my head.

_"You're just…too fast, Zack. Everything about you, it's always on the move. I can't handle it, I need stability. And you're twenty-three with no job and no responsibility. It wouldn't work."_

In a way, she's right. I _am_ twenty-three and going nowhere fast. But…I like my little existence here, and it's only been a year since the peace conference officially ended. Jason got a great job in California as a coordinator of USC's Model U.N this spring. Trini's got a job as a yoga instructor lined up in Angel Grove as soon as we land. Jobs can't be that hard to come by. Why couldn't Angela see that and be happy that I'm happy?

She did, though. For awhile. Angie came down to Switzerland for an overseas studies program her sophomore year at USC. We shared a fantastic whirlwind year, with no strings and no promises. Just kisses, light as the air that danced under our feet, tender touches as searing as the tea we sipped to get warm after skiing, and whispered words as warm as the sun after a brutally cold night. It was comfort, it was love…it was Switzerland. One year, where everything was okay, where Angela was there and I didn't have to go home. I never stopped movin', but she was movin' with me so it was okay.

**_In the moonlight   
  
_**

**_Carry on, keep romancing,   
  
_**

**_Carry on, carry on dancing   
  
_**

**_In the moonlight   
  
_**

And then she left, the night after we made love. And she said those words to me, and my Angel became a tease. Nothing more.

I take a swig of my drink viciously, hating this Zack inside me, 'cause it's ugly and dark and I choke on the words it makes me think. 

But she played me. The girl played me.

_"Sure, we had fun, Zack. But please, when you're sixteen, nothin' is for sure. Not even us. This year has been fantastic, really! I'll always remember you…but Zack. You gotta stop runnin' away. One day, there'll be nowhere to run to."_

I wouldn't come back with her. That's the big reason Angie ain't here now. She looked up at me with those great big brown eyes and begged me to come home with her, but how many times did I have to tell her? I was home. Angel Grove wasn't where I belonged.

**_Move. Closer. _**

****

**_Passion._****_ Stronger_   
  
I belonged where the open fields lay bare for people to run in. I belong where the sun is shining one day and the world is blanketed with glittering diamonds of ice the next. I belong where there are beautiful people who care about issues that matter. I belong somewhere where it's okay to groove.**

Not Angel Grove. 

I sigh, and I'm a little down. 'Cause okay, maybe Angie was right. Maybe I am border-line sixteen again, but there's nothin' wrong with that. Everyone is so stuffy nowadays, it pays to be happy. Not a care in the world okay?

Okay, no. I've got a lot of cares, so many that sometimes I can't sleep. And maybe I have been avoiding them, or drownin' them in alcohol. But it don't matter. 'Cause nothing changes. And yet everything does, so maybe that's the problem. I hate change. Hate it passionately. First change I ever had was when my ma divorced my pa. We moved on down to Angel Grove when I was six. Met Jase, Trini, Billy, Kim. It was cool. Then we got our powers, and hey, even cooler. But then Tommy came and disrupted everythin'. The flow was off, the groove was halted. I like Tommy, I do, but it wasn't five no more. It was six. Then me and Jase and Trini left, and hello! Huge change! I could've stayed, but I wasn't gonna leave my two best friends. I had enough of people leavin' me. But issues with people aside, the power is what mattered. I gave up being the ranger, the only thing that could keep my feet still enough to notice that the world didn't always have to spin. It was all I had control over, and I gave it up.

****

**_There's a magic only two can tell   
  
_**

**_In the dark night   
  
_**

**_Ultra violet is a wicked spell_**_   
  
_

I guess maybe that's why Angela was so important to me. I didn't want to lose the one steady anchor in my life. So maybe I suffocated her, but it's hard, y'know? Having to be constantly on the move, dancin' so you don't notice the pain and the loneliness…so you don't see the change.

I've been dancin' around the issue for eight years now, and I'm still going home. But I don't want to. 'Cause I'm scared to death that I'll like it there, and then there'll be more change, and more hurt. One day I won't be able to keep dancin'. And that troubles me. I don't want to go home and confront Angela and ask her why she hurt me. I want to be the black Peter Pan, living in sunshine and beer-soaked spring breaks forever.

"Zack?"

I turn around and Trini is giving me a warm, happy gaze. Zen-Trini, so calm now that she has someone home waitin' for her. She holds my hand softly and asks, "You ready to go home?"

No.

"Yeah," I say. I finish of my drink and take on last look at the best spot in Carouge. I'll miss it, but my real home beckons. One foot in front of the other, moving so fast the world stands still, I say.

"I'm ready to go home."

**_The stars and planets taking shape   
  
_**

**_A stolen kiss has come to late_****_   
  
_**

_"I'm not giving you up, __Angela__!"_

_"Oh, Zack.__ When will you figure out that you can't give me what I want?"_

_"Isn't it enough to give you what you need?"_

_"Oh, Zack…"_

_A kiss.__ A beat. The Swiss sun and the __Alps__ is the backdrop of two lovers kissing, holding each other like no tomorrow. They are each others' anchors._

"I'm not giving you up," I whisper fiercely. It's time to start dancing.

_  
**Carry on, keep romancing,   
  
**_

**_Carry on, carry on dancing   
  
_**

**_Moving on... Moving all night_**


End file.
